“I am apostatizing, and I am scared”

Yesterday I was perusing my wordpress stats, and I found out that one of the top search terms that is bringing people here is “I am scared apostatizing.” I wanted to write a post for those who found themselves typing those words into their search bars.

Apostatizing is scary. It means moving from a realm of certainty into a realm of confusion and doubt. It means losing touch with what you thought was the most important thing in the world. When I was a Christian I had the world figured out. I knew exactly what was truth and what was not, I knew how the universe was made, I knew what would happen to me after I died, and best of all, I knew I was significant. But one of the biggest steps toward my de-conversion was realizing that Christianity doesn’t really give certain answers to these important questions. It claims to have certain answers, but those answers are incompatible with reality and always fall short. Christianity claims to explain the meaning of life and of its complexities such as death, suffering, evil, and pain, but the entirety of its answers boils down to one simple principle: There is a God, and he works in mysterious ways that we can’t comprehend. That doesn’t answer any questions, it merely evades them by asserting an unfalsifiable supposition.

The one thing I want to say to those who are apostatizing and scared, or scared that they are apostatizing is this: never be afraid of inquiry. There are answers out there. The question of the existence of God may be unprovable at this time, but religions like Christianity are subject to investigation. Look deeply into your faith. Is the Bible really inerrant? It it really internally consistent? Does it have the markings of being inspired by God, or just written by man? Does the universe really show signs of design? Is there any empirical proof for supernatural miracles? Is there any empirical proof of the supernatural at all? Whatever you do, whether you remain a Christian or become a de-convert, never be afraid to question what you have been told. Although this can be a very scary time in one’s life, there are those who have been there before, and we can tell you that the fear does pass, and is replaces with happiness, confidence, and relief, so please, don’t let the scariness and fear keep you from critically examining religion and exploring your own feelings regarding faith.

There are several sources available that can help you investigate your faith with a critical eye, and for those who have already apostatize and find life suddenly confusing and lonely, there are several online communities full of people who are going through the same thing.

Here is a list of useful resources:

• Talk Origins: A comprehensive website that explains evolution and debunks creationist claims
• de-Conversion: A blog for skeptical, de-converting, or former Christians
• Reason to Doubt: A blog that tackles the faults of Christianity from a philosophical and apologetic standpoint written by a de-converted Bible college student
• Debunking Christianity: A blog devoted to critically analyzing claims made by Christia

And here is a list of other posts of mine that address the process of de-conversion and the anxiety associated:

• I was Christian novel reading, W.W.J.D bracelet wearing, mega-church attending teen: The story of my de-conversion
• What Dumbo and I have in common: My struggle with self-esteem and how I learned to have faith in myself with relying God
• Thinking critically in the face of fear: My explanation of why fear is never a justifiable foundation for belief
• The Threat of Hell: How I threw off that fear instilled into the heart of every Christian child

I would be interested in hearing from apostatizing Christians who visit here and learning what you are most afraid of and how we who have been in your shoes can be of the most help.

If anyone would like to talk to me one-on-one about this issue, please send an email to ordover.blog@gmail.com