Reasons to Believe

Recently this was brought up in the comment section on de-conversion.com

You know what I think would be great? Just as there is the famous post on de-conversion.com about the reasons some of us left faith, there should be a post about the reasons that made/make it difficult for us to leave faith. A post about what hinders/hindered us in walking away. Surely for all of us there are not only things because of which we think about leaving faith but also things despite of which we leave faith

I’m going to attempt to answer this question, but I’m afraid that my answers will all be of the emotional variety rather than the rational sort.

1. I was taught the existence of God was a solid fact – I had never heard anyone say, “Maybe God isn’t real” until I said it myself. I learned that God was real just as I learned that stars were balls of burning gas millions of billions of miles away. Both things I considered factual, and both things I could never truly verify on my own. I was taught that God was a certainty, and it was very difficult to unlearn that bit of misinformation.
2. Turning away from God was like turning away from my family - My family are all very religious. God played a central role in all of our lives and our relations with each other. If they learn of my deconversion they will be hurt and sad, and I will be automatically excluded. I wanted to remain a Christian so that I could listen to the Nativity story being read aloud on Christmas eve and not feel guilty, different, misplaced, or like a disappointment.
3. I didn’t want to admit that my family’s religion was wrong - Tangential to point 2, it was very difficult to admit that, in my opinion, my family had devoted their lives to a fairy tale. I hold them in high regard as intelligent people, and it’s hard to know now that they consider something I find blatantly false completely and undeniably true. It’s hard to know that these otherwise smart people irrationally reject scientific principles like evolution, that they are comforted and convinced by shallow apologetic arguments, and that they accept lies told from authoritative pastors and authors instead of examining claims on their own.
4. I didn’t want to be considered evil – Bottom line to most Christians: atheists are evil people who prefer to worship themselves rather than God, sever their own self-interests rather than serve God, and who want to sin without consequences. I don’t want anyone thinking of me that way–especially my friends and family.
5. I didn’t want to put so much stake in the limited knowledge of humans - Turning away from Christianity, for me, was equivalent to turning toward science, yet I was always taught that relying on humans’ puny intellects was a great folly. I realize now though that while limited and imperfect, science is a much better tool for learning about the universe than the religious give it credit for.
6. I wanted to believe that a kind and loving God was in control of my life – It’s really easy to sleep at night when you think the most powerful being imaginable is looking after you, has a plan for you life, and wants you to be successful. It’s wonderful to think that everything happens for a reason, and it will all turn out okay in the end
7. I thought I needed God – I thought that I needed God in order to be a good person and in order to cope with the emotional turmoil of daily life. I thought that the only way I could bare a burden was to “lay it at the cross.”

That’s all for now. I was actually planning on turning a few of these into longer posts, which I may or may not do in the next few days. I might add to this list later, as I think about this issue more.